32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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