i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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