i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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