you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
