i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
