Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
