Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
