I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
whose parrot is this?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize