This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
