My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
