Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
