is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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