with your own penis?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
