Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
