The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize