Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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