I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
