Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize