So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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