I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
