i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
