best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
