well you can't waste a boner
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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