new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
