I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
