Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
