My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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