I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
