but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize