Are we in a gay sports bar?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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