Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
