It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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