literally had 100 drinks last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
