I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
