Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
