So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
