so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
