It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
