I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
