you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
