your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
