Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
