Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
