Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
