I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Randomize
