I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize