I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
