How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
