im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize