Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
