I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
