i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
