Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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