the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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