she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
NoShamevember. You game?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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