The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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