my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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