I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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