Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
