So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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