So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
