I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
