i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
