He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And then he peed in my hair
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