Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're like the curious george of whores
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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