I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
