areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
