I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
