Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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