So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
