I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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