he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
