Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
