She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
