Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
