Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
