my mouth tastes like poor choices
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
