You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
