All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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