So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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