6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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