You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
