oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
