If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
