Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
