At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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