On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Screwed.edu
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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