Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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