I'm gonna have a badass scar
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
