someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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