so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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