Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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