do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
