I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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