i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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