Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm passing your future prison.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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