i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
