life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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