She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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