No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
