I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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