Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
