it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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