I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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