i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
