dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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