I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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