Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
