she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
